margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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