Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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