You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Randomize
