my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
