I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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