Soap is not a condiment
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
