you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
