i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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