Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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