it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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