Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
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