new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
