im gay
i know
yea but for you.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Randomize
