I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
