Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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