I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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