She is in my trunk
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
