Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
