After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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