...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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