my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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