The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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