He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
