he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
