Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
