he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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