My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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