she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
