if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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