Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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