so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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