my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
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All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
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I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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