someone threw a dead crab at me
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
