Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
