I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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