The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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