I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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