sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
