i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
