Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
