ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
