highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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