Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
