I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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