Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
