I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
