idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
