im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
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I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
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I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
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