i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Just high enough for therapy.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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