Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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