Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
