I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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