Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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