when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize