Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize