every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
