I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
