so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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