I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
