i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
