Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
