its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
