Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
