Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
