you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
