he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
