I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Randomize
