i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
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I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
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Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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